


Hello (more like Goodbye)

by MXlife



Series: Holding Onto This Love [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Changing Relationships, Character Development, Falling Out of Love, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, M/M, Moving On, Polyamory, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 11:19:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17385506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MXlife/pseuds/MXlife
Summary: Minhyuk needs to move on and start living again.





	Hello (more like Goodbye)

**Author's Note:**

> hello! so it's my first fic on AO3.  
> hope you all like it, I plan on making this into a series. please let me know how you like it!.

I saw them holding hands.  
It struck me how it had been a while since I'd held hands with Kihyun.  
He looked so happy, looking into Hoseok's eyes.  
Realisation dawned on me that my boyfriends didn't need me around anymore to feel complete, and it hurt like hell.  
Kihyun then looked back, his smile faltering a bit when he saw I'd stopped walking.  
I put on a smile running to catch up, his smile had definitely dimmed.  
I ignored my chest clenching tightly as I followed them into the restaurant.  
****  
I'd been working harder, wanting to fill in the emptiness I'd started feeling inside.  
It'd all started when I had asked Kihyun if we could adopt a kid. He wanted to focus on his career at that time. Our relationship is had become strained and we'd decided to try something a little more different to save whatever was left.  
After dating Hoseok for half a year, he'd moved in with us, and everything felt fine.  
He was beautiful inside and out, having so much love to give. I'd felt so content watching them together, my heart feeling full of affection.  
But then I had to go to Japan for 4 months from my company.  
I began feeling envious of my boyfriends having fun without me. I tried to contain it telling myself it was good that they didn't have to be sad and lonely, but after spending New year's waiting for them to video call me, and them forgetting, the doubts started filling my head.  
When I returned it was obvious things had changed. While we still slept in the same bed, used the same bathroom, ate in the same kitchen, sat at the same couch while watching movies; I felt like an outsider.  
And it had started hurting too much.  
After a while, I realized they felt awkward and uncomfortable around me too.  
I started drinking alone, drowning in self-loathing and pity.  
I realized they didn't need me anymore, and it hurt.

It was on my birthday I realized I wasn't as special as I used to be.   
It funny now, how I'd gone back home after a long day of work, expecting some sort of surprise, but I didn't even get a cake. They'd forgotten the date.  
Instead, I'd walked into an empty flat with a Note saying they'd gone out to eat.  
I'd gone to the bar again and drank until I'd passed out. Next thing I knew I was at home. Hoseok said he'd called and come to pick me up when it got late.   
His expression was enough to tell me they felt guilty for forgetting.  
I wish he'd left me rott.  
It was later on Kihyuns birthday, I woke up at night abruptly again. We'd celebrated and then gone to bed. It'd been so long since we'd been intimate, but when I'd initiated something, Kihyun had just said he was tired.  
I woke up to see the dim lights switched on in the main room. Peeking out I saw Kihyun straddling Hoseok. They were definitely not just cuddling.

“I feel guilty,” Kihyun said. His arms laced around Hoseok.  
“I know, but it's not like before….” Hoseok replied.  
“I think we've changed….” Kihyun said… “he's not the same either…”  
“Yes, we should talk to him soon,” Hoseok said.  
My heart felt like it'd stopped beating after hearing what they were saying. I felt betrayed, I felt crushed, I felt angry, I felt like a fool, but mostly I was so hurt, so severely hurt, I couldn't even breath.  
“Yes, we need to tell him,” Kihyun said.  
“I love you Hoseok!” He said leaning in to kiss him.  
“I love you too Kihyun…”   
I moved back, a hand clasped on my mouth as I tried to grasp at reality.  
Was I not enough?

The next day I returned from work, taking the day off. Kihyun and Hoseok we're still at work. I packed up all my things and left to find somewhere else to stay for the time being.  
Renting out a hotel room I made temporary arrangements.

I went back in the evening before they returned home. I ordered our favourite meal and waited for Kihyun and Hoseok to come back.  
They returned together, Hoseok having picked up Kihyun.   
My heart hurt seeing them like this without me. Envy filled my being as I realized they'd taken it all away from me without me having a say.

“Hello!” I said, faking a smile.everything was tight inside my body, and I felt choked up as I told them I'd ordered dinner.  
They didn't even notice my shoes not being on the rack.  
As we ate dinner together I made small all with them.  
Once we'd cleared up the plates, Kihyun went to the bedroom to change while I sat with Hoseok.  
“Something feels different about the hose. Did you clean?” He asked Kihyun.  
“No, not recently…” Kihyun replied from the bedroom.  
I was just waiting to see how long it took them to figure out, my art wasn't on the wall anymore, my photos were gone.  
Hoseok was telling me about a student of his, talking about his music label, and I looked at his enthusiasm for one last time. Feeling sad inside.  
Kihyun rushed to the main room, a look of worry on his face.

“Minhyuk! Why is your side of the cupboard empty?” He asked…  
I didn't know what to say, getting choked up again.  
“I...I'm leaving,” I said.feeling my eyes burn.  
“Leaving? I don't…. understand” Hoseok said.  
“Yes.. for good,” I said in a whisper. It was becoming harder to breathe.

“What are you saying Minhyuk?...” Kihyun asked me.  
“You don't have to tell me anything… I understand. I'll go” I said, my vision going blurry.  
The words and images flashing in my head from the previous night.  
“What are you doing Minhyuk?” Kihyun said moving towards me.  
I reached into my pocket, pulling out a silver ring.  
I'd given it to Kihyun year back when we'd promised to always stay together. We couldn't full fill it.

“People change Kihyun… I've changed...and I don't want to do this anymore...I can't do this anymore.” I said placing the ring on the table.

I felt hot tears rolling down my cheeks and looked at Hoseok. His face reflecting what I felt inside.  
He looked like he was in pain, and if it had been a time before all this began I would have given in, but I couldn't anymore.  
“I have loved you both from the bottom of my heart. I wish you both the best for the future.” I said, not mentioning how I still loved them and would probably always do.  
I took a step towards the door.  
“Your paintings, it's all gone…” I heard Hoseok said.  
“You finally noticed…” I said and chuckled. It had taken him 3 hours to realize that.  
“Not all though… I left the one you both love the most.”   
I looked at the painting for one last time. It was a scene where Kihyun had fallen asleep on Hoseok's lap one lazy evening. The sun had been setting and I'd caught it on camera. I'd made it into a painting, gifting it to them on our anniversary. They both were wearing my t-shirts.  
I guess I still wanted them to remember me somehow.

I walked out of the apartment crying. I heard Kihyun call my name one last time, but I didn't look back.  
****  
As I walked to my table, I heard Kihyun talk animatedly about how he'd been doing recently.  
Bumping into them at the parking lot wasn't part of my plan.  
I watched as Kihyun moved to my table reaching out to clasp my date's hand, shaking it in greeting while Hoseok just looked at me sheepishly.

It had been a whole year since I'd met them, and while I thought I had moved on clearly I still needed closure.

My reason for being happy right now sat at the table across from Kihyun, looking at me, smiling and making me forget my insecurities.  
Hyunwoo was the only reason I'd been able to pull myself back after the horrible break-up.

“ We really wanted to meet you, and Hyunwoo ended up talking to Kihyun when he called to wish you,” Hoseok explained, taking his seat.  
I sat beside Hyunwoo, my mind feeling jumbled up.

Hyunwoo caught my hand when he saw me rubbing them together.  
“ Minhyuk…. It's time to move on…” he whispered.  
And I looked at him.  
And I believed him, I wanted to finally let go.  
So I began.  
“Hello…”


End file.
